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A Litany Against Dread
On building and leaving something behind
It is one of those nights where I felt compelled to write for me a “Litany Against Dread”.
At almost three in the night, tonight, perhaps more so than on other nights, it is important that I remind myself why I do what I do. Sure, there’s that old joke that the goal of all jobs is to maximise shareholder value, and to be frank, I don’t mind it as much. They have invested their money indirectly on me and my work, and for that I am grateful. It is not prestige though. Yes it is important, yes I wish to be perceived as capable and smart, to be accepted, but it doesn’t really do much for me beyond a point. Perhaps I don’t take myself too seriously to care. And as far as money is concerned, I never had any growing up so I never really understood how to use it. Sure, for practical purposes, I know I should earn well and earn more, and I am pursuing it in this capacity, but that is about it. In a way I am fortunate that I have a very utilitarian relationship with prestige and money, which allows me to manoeuver in a way that affords me the leisure of not having to think too much about them. Thankfully they don’t keep me up at night, working.
But what does? Why am I building still at almost three in the night?
Why do I build? Why should I build? More importantly why do I feel I should build?
Because this tech, this math, this world around me is magic.
I have inherited very many gifts from those who came before me. These gifts have allowed me to be a citizen of this Earth, in a way they never could be. I too wish to leave some gifts behind for those who would come long after I’ve gone. Gifts, I hope one day would contribute to my children’s children, or perhaps to their children becoming the citizens of this universe. It is important to remember that we as humans: we build, we tinker, we experiment, we fail, we fail massively but we learn not just for our own selves but for those who will come after, like those who came before did for us. Our times may be finite, but perhaps this is how Life gets the last laugh in its battle against entropy.
We must leave gifts behind.
And in this moment I must remember why I build. I build for the future. I build out of love. I build for the stars I will never get to see in my lifetime. I build because this is the best thing we do as humans. I build because I am alive. I build because I can. I build because I want to.
And you my dear reader, why do you build?
